Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Hey Women! Do you find yourself blocking a guy you have a crush on? Here's how to get over your fears...


Published: Identity magazine

You meet a guy and you think he’s cute. You day dream about him, talk to your friends about how attractive and smart he is. Your dreams come true and he finally starts doing those steps that show he is into you, and what do you do? You find yourself backing off, treating him differently, getting out of your way to avoid him, do your best to talk to other guys when he’s around, and when you find him talking to another girl you decide he’s not into you, and you will let her have him.
Wait a second, what happened there?! No wonder guys think we’re insane! Let me tell you exactly what happened...

You got that close to your dream that you got terribly scared. But what is scaring you so? Are you scared of getting hurt? Are you scared you might be picking the wrong signals and he doesn't really like you, and is just being friendly? Are you scared that if he gets to know you for real he wouldn't find you interesting? Are you scared that he might be playing you? Are you scared to be happy? No one can really answer those questions for you, you’re the only one who can look deep inside you and find the real reason why you are acting this way. One obvious thing though is that you are scared. You need to find out the reason behind your fear, pinpoint it, and really understand its cause to be able to deal with it and move forward with your life.
Here are a few steps that will help you get over your fear...
 1- Dig deep inside you.
Go as deep as you can to find the core of the problem. What is causing your fear? What are you worrying about the most? Was it a previous experience that left you traumatized? You need to identify the fear, know the problem, to be able to deal with it and find a good solution for it.
 2- Don’t blind yourself with excuses.
People tend to mask their worries with excuses, don’t do that! Don’t think “maybe the other girl he was chatting with is more appropriate for him than I am”, it’s not up to you to make that decision. If he is flirting with you, and only chatting with a colleague, why are you backing off? He likes you, you like him, don’t make excuses just to avoid the real situation that is terrifying you. Remove the masks and face your fears.
3- Give him a chance.
If you are so terrified of giving the guy you have a major crush on a chance, then you most probably are traumatized by a previous experience, be it a relationship that ended badly, or even your father abandoning you or your mother that left you in pain. Whatever the reason is, remind yourself that not all men are alike, and the guy that hurt you in the past is not the same guy that likes you now and wants to be with you. Give him a chance, a real one.
4- Believe in yourself.
Fight away your insecurities. You are a beautiful being, inside and out, no matter what you believe. You are worthy of love and care. You might not see it yourself, but it’s true. Forget the past; don’t waste the future dwelling on what was or what could have been. Stop dwelling and live, give yourself a chance to enjoy life.
5- Give it a try.
I’m not asking you to jump in head first, and suddenly be head over heels in love with this guy. All I’m asking you to do is to give him, and yourself, a chance. You can’t hide away and cave in forever, you need to find a way to let go of your fears, and give this relationship a try. There is someone for everyone, that is a fact. It might be this guy, or it might not be this guy at all, but you will never know if you never give yourself a chance to really like someone.
6- Don't expect the unexpected.
Don’t start giving yourself the fake excuse of “he's not that into me anyway”. You want to shut him off, ignore him, and then you get upset that he is not persuing you. How are you rationalizing that? If you don’t give him enough space to approach you, and you shut him down when he does, don’t blame it on him that he backed off a little! Don’t blame the guy for having some self respect!
 Get out of your comfort zone. Face your fears, push away your excuses, and really give yourself a chance to feel the attention and the love. It’s time now to find love.
Till we gossip again,
Nevine A. Abaza

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