Written by: Nevine A. Abaza
No matter how close or far you were, how good or bad your relationship was, how old or young you are, losing a parent is never easy. Every last conversation you had keeps playing in your head, you have no clue how you will survive another second without them, how will life go on, and how will you ever be able to breath again. It hurts, like being continuously stabbed by a million knives at the very same time, trying to escape the pain but you simply can’t.
Accept The Pain
It will hurt. There is no escape from that pain, no shortcuts. Accept the pain, and talk your time to grief. You will feel better, much better, as time passes by, but you will never be able to heal completely; this is normal. Accept this fact and learn to live with it.
Talk to your other parent, your aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents, and friends. Let them be your support group, and be part of theirs. Don’t be afraid to mention the name of the parent you lost, remember the special memories, and just talk. Speak openly, share your ups and downs, and discuss your emotions.
Support The Others
Sometimes helping others can make you feel better, and helps you get over your own pains and worries. Wether its your other parent, your siblings, or even grandparents, they need your help, love, and support.
Understand The Different Ways Of Coping
One or more family members will seem fine with the loss, they will seem to be dealing well, smiling, joking, and being mostly normal. Accept that people grieve in different ways. Just because they are smiling doesn’t mean they are OK with it, nor are they grieving any less. They might seem calm on the outside, but they are drowning in overwhelming feelings trapped deep inside them. They too will need all the help, support, and love they can get.
Let It Out
Its ok to cry. No who you are, no matter what they tell you; that the parent you lost will suffer if you cry, that it is “haram” (sinful) to cry, or whatever other reason people give you to make you stop crying. Know that it is ok to cry your heart out, it is better for you, it is not “haram”, and your parents will not be tormented from your tears in any way. Let it out, feel the pain, so you can be able to deal with it and survive.
Talk About Them
It might seem hard to mention them now that they are gone. Thats a normal feeling, but you need to fight it. It's ok to bring up their name, talk about how you miss them, and remember the memories you shared. It might be painful at the beginning, but it gets easier by time.
Seek Professional Help
Out of all the losses one might experience in life losing a parent is one of the hardest things to experience. It is a good idea to seek professional help if you are having difficulty dealing with your parent’s loss, feeling depressed, and unable to cope, or simply you need more support than what you have.
You Will Always Be Their Baby
Your parents will always be your parents even if they pass away. They will always live in in your heart and and in your mind. “He lives in you” from the Lion King isn’t far from true; their legacy lives in your, you learned from them more than you realize you did, and people will know the person they were through you. Cherish the memories, remember their advise, and live on to make them proud.