Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Day 1 - Starting the fast

The plan is that we fast for 14 days on nothing but water, followed by one week of a re-feeding phase where we will gradually start eating while learning healthy ways, recipes, and tips. We are allowed 3 cups of herbal teas with a few drops of honey (no more than 3 teaspoons) three times a day only, advised to pace them into a breakfast, lunch, dinner drinks kind of.

The first day of the fast was both exciting and terrifying, not knowing what to expect, how will my body react, how much will I suffer, or how hungry will I be. I know I have great tolerance to not eating, after all I was anorexic for 6-12 months before where I literally would barely take a bite or
sip out of anything. I also went on a hunger strike before for several days, no food or water, I stopped the strike when I finally fainted; people cannot survive without water for more than several days. I am a strong girl, I have stamina, and I believe in myself; my voice, my girly girl attitude, and my ever so often lack of self esteem easily hide those facts from the world. I know I can do it, but I am still anxious. I might be more anxious about meeting new people and feeling like an outsider than I actually am with the idea of the fast itself, I was, and still am in a way, somehow socially phobic and painfully shy. Though everyone seems to be really nice and pleasant, and though I am getting along well with them, but I always feel the struggle and effort exerted in socializing with people I do not know well, let alone don't know at all.

The first day was fine for me, many other people suffered from headaches and needed some space and quite. I did have a "nap" from 3pm to 9 pm, and still managed to get a 7 hours of night sleep after a couple of hours, the quantity and quality of sleep was so extremely bizarre for me. I have been insomniac for a long time now, and during the summer I literally couldn't sleep for 10 whole days!

When I finally woke up at 9 pm I was faced with a tough dilemma; should I or should I not rush to get dressed and hurry to our "house" (where the whole group meets every day) before 10 pm (when they close the doors). I was too tired to rush, and felt like it would be a hassle to  do that, all just for a simple cup of herbal tea. I decided to skip, only to be faced with a night long daydreaming of drinking that hot cup of herbal tea, that is all I aspired to in life at the point.

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