Thursday, March 13, 2014

Fasting: Day 13

I woke up cranky. My back and stomach were killing me, and I did not have a good night sleep. I couldn't stand myself and couldn't get myself out of my room. I decided to
put on makeup to feel better, I tend to do that when I am feeling bored or generally not in a good mood, a way to change my mood and boost my self-esteem, even though generally I am not a heavy user of makeup at all, I barely have any on usual days, the minimal if any. I got out my makeup bag and decided to go all the way with makeup, I even used an eye shadow and red lipstick, I only use those for weddings and special occasions. Ofcourse no blusher since I always have a natural blush on my cheeks, if I use a blusher I end up looking embarrassed or something. Come to think of it, I think I don't even own a blusher.

I headed to the meeting room, a little embarrassed by the carnival I had on my face. The moment I walked in people started cheering! Haha that was an amusing moment! I got a few whistles too! I was expecting a few comments, but in no way did I expect a huge celebration! I was complimented over and over again, and it really compensated to how I was really feeling.

I had this conversation with my sister, telling her that I just needed some pampering, I need to go to the nail spa, do my nails, and just feel taken care of and spoiled, and her comment was aren't you already?! lol It does appear like we are spoiled, having a long vacation, away from the world, and supposedly doing nothing all day long. But in reality it is not like that. We are not pampered or resting like we are on a vacation, I only managed to sit by the beach twice during this whole time, even though the beach is right outside my balcony! We are fasting, living on water, and often have things planned for the day, and when we are not we are just in deep need of sleep and rest. One girl today was saying that ever since she had her children she didn't sleep well, and she was hoping to rest here during the retreat, but the fact is she didn't get that chance! The retreat is not like any other retreat, you would expect to sleep and rest well enough, but that is not the case. Our bodies are fixing themselves, and thus we are more tired than ever, in more need to rest and sleep, and no matter how long we rest and sleep we just don't reach that point of restfulness and content. Yes we are in a retreat, but it is not what you expect it to be, its not a walk in the park or a fun beach vacation, it is hard work, thats a fact. Ofcourse I feel lucky and grateful to have had the opportunity to join this retreat and to gain all this knowledge, that is also a fact.

We didn't have anything planned for the day, all lectures were canceled. We sat around the room chatting, thinking about new recipes we could make, and food substitutes. Some people were in agony thinking about all the food they will not be able to eat, or at the very least will feel guilty if they did. Very few announced that they will not be turning into vegans, but will consider it in the future, maybe have another fast then turn to vegans. I personally am not having hard time adapting to the idea, I just need to find many good recipes, and teach some of them to our cook so I wouldn't have to cook everything all the time. Two things I am having a hard time believing I can have vegan recipes for are pizza and our family's shamy fata (a yogurt based fata that I adore). For the pizza I have been researching cheese-less pizzas, and a friend said she had a nice and easy healthy crust recipe, but I can't figure out in my mind if I will like it without cheese or not, I have to try it to decide. But I guess that already many people do have cheese-less pizzas (seyamy), so I guess there is some chance that it is actually good. I think I have potential of liking it since I love a lot of veggie toppings on my pizzas, so just maybe… For the fata it seems that is quite impossible to make a healthier version of it. I discussed this specific dish with the group and we just had a hard time figuring out an alternative option that wouldn't end up tasting weird and fake. I guess having this fata as it is from time to time should be ok, its not like I eat it often anyway.

We decided to have another night of music and singing, one last time before a few members of our group travel tomorrow. We went to our rooms aiming to meet at 7:30 pm, just to rest for a bit. But sadly enough I missed it… I slept around 6 and woke up 9:30! I am sad that I missed it, but I suppose I really just needed to sleep and rest.

I guess I will just take it easy today, clearly I have exhausted myself this past period, when I should have been resting and retreating.

13 days of fasting, only 1 more day to go! :)

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