Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Fasting: Day 4

Today started with a bad mood. I was just so exhausted, pissed off, and just so simply feeling like crap,
not physically but rather psychologically. I hadn't slept well and the pillows seemed to be made of stone even though I didn't have issues with them any night before. I was miserable and considered staying in my room and avoiding everyone, I was feeling angry, sad, depressed, sluggish, and out of place. I started doubting if I fit in this group of not and feeling like a total outsider, I was just not in a good place.
But I ended up going anyway, doing an effort to go do my medical checkup, and to check on the lectures of the day as I do enjoy them, benefit deeply, and always wait for them.

During both of my meditations today I ended up with a headache, I guess thats a cause of my irritated
mood and the feeling of being stressed. The meditation was mostly annoying and boring for me today, and I just wanted it to be over. But we learned later in the meditation lecture that this is normal, and is the cause of stress escaping us, so thoughts and feelings arise to be released. Kind of like when we do a detox or a fast and someone gets a rash for no apparent reason, it is just a toxin exiting your body.

The day didn't turn so bad after all. I even witnessed a girl from our group getting all of her hair shaved off, something that I have wanted to do for such a long time. It was inspiring to see someone actually being able to do it with no hesitation, I have cut off large parts of my hairs over the years, and obsessed about cutting or shaving it all off. As I watched her scalp show more and more while her hair was falling off, I reminisced of my own need to do the same, and pictured my family's reaction if I had actually done it, thats a funny and a little terrifying thought for me.

I ended my day by watching the animated movie "Frozen", a great finish for my day, I really enjoyed it.

In our night lecture we watched a very inspiring documentary. I advise people who are incapable of fasting on water like we are, to do this smoothie fast seen in the documentary. Please take time to watch it, it is funny, entertaining, inspiring, and just makes you feel like you can do anything you put your mind to. Watch to the end.

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead ~ Joe Cross

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